CHATTY MONDAYS / new feature and dealing with loss.

(Yes, I know it’s Tuesday)

We haven’t spoken in a while. It’s totally my fault! I’m sorry! I really missed you though! I just caught up and read all of ya’lls posts! I’m kinda mad at WordPress because they weren’t letting me like anyone’s posts! So annoying! Just know that I read them and I enjoyed them!

Well, it has been a couple weeks since I last posted anything and about a month since I’ve posted anything about the Wardrobe Architect Challenge or about any crafty things going on in my world! Sadly, I don’t have anything new to share with you as far as those things go…(Which is the main reason why I haven’t posted) but I decided that I just really want to talk with you! So I have decided to have a new reoccurring thing on the blog called
CHATTY MONDAYS.

So basically how this will work is, I am going to chat about what is going on in my crafty life or my blogging life or my life life (some stories and updates and maybe some links to awesome things I’ve found on the internet and maybe answer some questions from you) and then you can chat right back with me with what is going on in your life too! And this will happen EVERY MONDAY. (or sometimes Tuesday like today) So exciting, RIGHT? And when I have a new crafty something to show you, then I will have an additional post sometime during the week!


So, for the first week of kicking off CHATTY MONDAYS (on Tuesday), I am going to get a little serious…and I hope not too sad. I just really need to talk about some things…

I feel BLAH. I feel like I’m not doing enough. Not taking care of the house enough, not working enough, not seeing my family enough, not blogging enough, not sewing enough…

My house is always a mess, i haven’t sewn anything that turns out well for A LONG TIME, I haven’t seen my nephews in forever and I feel like I barely work (which I can’t control since my clients book when they want to book). And I did TERRIBLE at doing the Wardrobe Architect challenge tasks for February.I just feel like there is so much in my life I am sucking at right now.

But I think the thing that is making me feel the most BLAH is that my grandma passed away a week and a half ago. And now I can’t help but think about all the memories I have had with her, the things she’s said and the things she’s given me… And it’s bittersweet because I know she is better now because her body, that had so many things wrong with it, isn’t holding her back and isn’t making her feel pain everyday.

But I miss her.

I don’t really know how to deal, because she is the first person that’s been close to me to pass away. I just don’t know what to do…

She was an English teacher, and she had a fierce love for reading! She gave me my first Harry Potter book on my 9th birthday, which fueled my love of reading and Harry Potter. image1 (1) She used to sew and she made quite a few dresses for herself (including her wedding dress!) and she made clothing for my mom and her brothers. She always thought it was so great, the things I would make! 1001945_10201232052356607_1785241618_n She would always tell me how much she bragged about me and how proud she was of me! She always supported me and showed me love. She would “oooo” and “ahhh” at the things I would make, She went to some of my choir concerts… 1929170_1083167392639_6768093_n She was just such a great person. She IS a great person. She’s made so many people feel like family and has poured her love on them…like my husband! She loves Brodie so much.

She told me once before that I was her favorite, haha! and she told me she would deny it if I ever told anyone! Well…she’s my favorite too. and I won’t deny it.

It’s really not fair. She was still really young. I feel so bad for my grandpa. I can’t even imagine… They were the cutest together! They have been married for almost 50 years and they still treated each other like they were newly in love. Always caring, always patient, always lovey-dovey… I want my marriage to be like that. 538336_3512283719029_546470017_n

I hope I haven’t been too sad…I just miss her.

I hope you are doing well and I hope that you know that if you’re going through any hard times, I’m here for you. We can be there for each other.

Have you lost someone close to you? How do you think about them without wanting to cry all the time? signature

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84 thoughts on “CHATTY MONDAYS / new feature and dealing with loss.

    1. Thanks Shauna. I’m not crying as much as I thought I would and I am happy that she isn’t in pain and I know I will see her again and she is watching over me…but I just wish she was here!

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  1. God bless your grandma, she seems like an amazing woman. I lost my grandad a few years ago and I still miss him a lot… Life is horrible! I hope you perk up soon. Sew something!

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    1. She was great! Sorry about your grandad. I’m sure I will always my my grandma!
      I am testing a pattern and hopefully my fabric will be here on Wednesday so I can whip it up and feel better! lol the last thing I sewed didn’t turn out so I’m discouraged lol

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss Britney. I know what it’s like to lose a Grandparent. It was hard losing my Grandpa which was quite a few years ago but I can relate and I only have one Grandma left. Don’t worry about your house not being clean enough. Mine is super messy! I really don’t know how people keep up such clean houses. You’re still grieving over the loss of your Grandma so naturally you aren’t doing as much and that’s okay. Just take your time and you will get back into your regular routine of things. You always have a friend in me. ❤ xo

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    1. Awww thank you Katie. It is really hard but I know it will be better…
      I did clean the dishes and did the laundry so I feel a little better. Just need to put it all away so it’s not all in baskets in my room haha

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      1. You’re welcome Britney. Yes it will get better in time. My laundry is all piled up on my couch and some in baskets in my bedroom. I am just kind of like whatever lol. It’s good though that you’re doing a little bit though. You’re doing a lot better than me! lol. 🙂

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        1. Lol well I know I will feel less stressed out if my house isn’t a COMPLETE disaster. It’s got little messes here and there but if I have too much clutter and mess going on I feel like crap

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          1. I understand how you feel. I used to have anxiety attacks all of the time with my apartment not being perfectly clean lol. I haven’t cared as much lately because we will be moving and I will just throw everything into boxes anyway. I hope that you feel much better soon! Just think, you, Jacqueline, and I will be meeting up soon! 😀

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  3. I’m sorry for your loss Britney. With that being said, this post was not sad at all. I am also not doing much and I refuse to be sad about it. Think of it as the YOU time you won’t have when life gets all hectic again and you’re wishing for a break. Mostly though, this post wasn’t sad because you shared the spirit of a wonderful human with us and reading about her awesomeness and how she made your life a little better each day brought a smile to my face.

    Glad you’re back and love the new segment! ❤

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    1. Thanks Cat. I’m glad it wasn’t too sad. I am trying not to be too down. I feel like I didn’t even capture a fleck of her spirit in this post though, she was SO AMAZING! and not just to me, everyone who met her loved her and she loved them.

      I’m glad that you are happy about the new segment thing. I just miss blogging regularly, so even if it’s boring for some people, I still want to talk! Lol

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  4. Oh sweetie I’m so so so sorry to read about your loss. It’s incredibly sad to loose someone who has been such an inspiration. I’m going through this at the moment with my gran who virtually brought me up as her own… she’s a 2nd mum to me. I’m just waiting on that horrid phone call. It’s so difficult watching a loved one in so much pain, thankfully your grandma is free from it now and no doubt watching over you all. Cherish the memories ❤ *hugs* XXXXXXXXX

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    1. Thank you Karen. I’m so sorry you are going through this too. My grandma helped raise me too when I was younger and we just have a lot in common! I know she will always be around and that I will see her again, just wish I could have her back NOW! lol

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  5. Oh, I’m so sorry! She clearly was very important to you, an inspiration, and a talented role model. (That wedding dress is gorgeous!) Such spirit and good cheer, too. (And I would like my marriage to be that wonderful, too!) Both my grandmothers have been gone for two decades, but I still think about them from time to time. All I can say that it does get easier, if you will pardon what must sound like dreadful platitude. All the best to you and yours.

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    1. Thank you so much. She really was amazing, and I feel like my post didn’t even scratch the surface.
      I’m glad it gets easier…I just always go back to thinking of her throughout the day because something happens that makes me or even just when I get a peaceful second she pops in there.
      Thanks you so much

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  6. Hang in there, girl. Family is the most important right now so be around them to get through this hard time. I lost my grandma (I called her Nana) in October and we were very close – she helped raise me. No one was it coming and it was a shock but she passed so peacefully from what my great aunt (who was with her at the time, thank God) told us. DD lost his grandma in January, so it seems like it’s a hard time for all now! I’m sending virtual hugs and it DOES get better – just think about how much she filled your life with love and all of those special moments y’all had together. And hey, maybe there’s a grandma convention going on now in heaven and they’re all chatting with each other about how awesome their grandkids are. 🙂

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    1. Lol grandma convention!! That’s the best. I’m sure they are! They are pointing us all out to each other and bragging the days away!
      I’m sorry about you nana and DD’s grandma. We can all be there for each other 🙂
      My grandma helped raise me when I was younger too. We had a lot in common, so we got along really well!

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  7. Yes, yes, yes to the Chatty Mondays! I can’t wait to read them every week.

    I am really sorry to hear about your grandma. I lost mine at a bit younger age and I took it pretty hard. It really isn’t something you just get over because I still think about mine. They live long lives (most of the time) and leave a beautiful legacy behind. Mine sewed as well and I think that’s where I get my craftiness. See? You have that piece of her with you forever. It is an amazing thing. Chin up. You’re amazing and your grandmother was mega proud of you.

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    1. I’m glad someone else is excited about chatting with me on mondays!! Lol I just miss connecting to everyone and I don’t consistently craft enough to post all the time about them (though I wish I did!)
      Thanks Sami, sorry about your grandma.
      My grandma was only in her 70s and her mother is still alive! I just keep thinking it isn’t fair…she was taken from me too soon! But I know she is better off because she isn’t in pain now. And she had fibromyalgia so she hurt everyday.
      But I will cherish my memories with her always.

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      1. That’s why I started posting Sunday wrap-ups. I can’t go on an adventure on my bucket list or travel every day and I didn’t want to leave that much of a gap between posting. That’s how you disengage readers. Not that you could because your fan base is awesome. 😉

        Thank you. It happened when I was 7 but she died right as she was teaching me how to sew and bake sugar cookies. I watched cancer break her down. She sewed all my clothes, too. She was in her late forties, I believe.

        I still doesn’t take away from the fact that you are going to miss her. It is never fair but this is our way of wanting them back. It’s sad and we have to let go by nature. There’s nothing wrong with holding on to her in your heart and the memories you have together though. She left a legacy behind for you that you can now take on for yourself. She looked happy in the photographs. I’m sure she was very loved and you could never ask for more than that. She is happy and still looking down on you every day with pride in her eyes. I’m just glad she had the opportunity to meet your husband. That is a wonderful thing.

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        1. Exactly why I started this feature lol don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. Haha so weird to hear/read me “fan base”! I have fans?! What?! Lol
          Did you ever learn to make those cookies or sew? It would be great if your did it to bring in her legacy too.
          She did have so many people that she loved and that loved her back! She would “adopt” anyone that because part of our family and even close friends as her honorary children lol she was bey happy. Just the last couple years she just want herself because of all her ailments.

          I will live on! And I will be my best for her

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          1. Yes, of course you have fans. People like you! You’re a pretty great human!

            I did learn to make the sugar cookies but I haven’t in so long I would probably need to research it and that hurts. 😦 Also, sewing, that was closer to when she passed and I didn’t get but a few lessons at the sewing machine. She was a wonderful woman.

            It’s so lovely now you have someone to impress with your every day actions. Well, maybe not ‘impress” per se, but to be the best version of yourself for.

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    1. Thanks Lauren. I’m trying to stay positive! We really did have a lot in common. I just go through the day randomly thinking about her and some of the memories of her when things happen. Or when I get a free second in the day something just creeps up.

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    1. Thank you Samantha. She really was the best grandma ever! I try not to be so hard but it makes me feel stressed out when it gets too messy and cluttered. I did clean some yesterday, so I’m feeling somewhat better about it lol

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  8. Oh Britney, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost both parents & my much loved Mum & Dad in law too over the past few years. The only thing that will help is time angel. You have to be kind to yourself right now. If you want to cry, then cry, be as kind to yourself as you always are to others. Do things just for you, just because. Mostly though remember that your sweet Grandma would so want you to be happy. Buy a special candle and light it for her, talk to her when you miss her terribly (I still do this now and again) or write her a letter. Be sure though that she knows how you feel sweat heart. Fill every day with smiles, as many as you can find. I promise that some day you’ll be able to think of your beautiful Grandma and only feel blessed that she was such a huge part of your life. It will get easier to bear honey I promise, it just takes time. Sending you heaps of hugs xx

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  9. May she rest in peace! I’m so sorry for you. I lived through the same thing in 2007 but my Gran had cancer, and my mom and dad worked during the whole day, so me and my brother arranged to take shifts from our jobs to take care for her, so he could be with her in the morning while I’m working, and when I went home in the afternoon he went to work so she wouldn’t be alone. My heart was aching seeing her like this so when she passed, to my horror, I felt a pang of relief for her. I didn’t go to her funeral, and I never visited her grave – by my own choice. I’ve lost my uncle, my mother’s brother, and my Granddad, the husband of said Gran, before losing her but it felt the worst because she depended on our care but she never admitted it and to the last second she was trying to be helpful, even with such small chores like doing the dishes.
    She never had the chance to go to school because her father died when she was 8 and her family was so poor that they couldn’t afford their kids studying. She taught herself to read with some help from her mother, and was beyond happy for me or my brother to just sit in her room and read her books, then discuss them for hours.
    It was a long time ago, I can’t even remember how the pain was like, and missing her has become a daily routine but it’s better now. Everytime I think of her, I imagine the traits that I got from her, and I know she’s still living through me.
    And Britney, darling – you share the same smile with her. It’s 100% Grandma Brewer. So everytime you look in the mirror and smile, please know that she’s smiling back. Be well. Give yourself the time to grief, it gets easier.
    Hugs, Sylvia

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    1. I’m so sorry for you and your gran. I understand how you felt too because I do feel that way as well. My grandma had fibromyalgia so everyday her body was hurting her. Then she had a series ofajor surgeries over the years, open heart surgery and back surgery. Then she was getting little seizures that would cause her to fall and she broke both her legs and hit her head so she wasn’t really there at all. I helped take care of her one day and I just felt horrible because I know that I would feel trapped and helpless if I went through the same thing. So I understand what you are saying about feeling relief…I am relieved that she doesn’t have to deal with her body anymore. I know she’s happier and doesn’t feel pain. So in that way I’m happy for her. I just miss her.
      Thanks Sylvia. *hugs*

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      1. That’s no wonder, and being hard on yourself about stuff around the house and in crafts maybe is a part of your coping mechanism with missing her. I’m sure things are not that bad, and even if they were, you just need to take your time, baby steps and it’ll all get better. Hang in there, girl. My thoughts are with you.

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  10. Britney, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandma 😦 I lost my dad when I was 17 and for awhile it felt like I would never stop crying, but it does get easier. Just do whatever you need to do right now, whether it’s grieving, focusing on other things like work, or talking it out (probably all of the above depending on the day). On a happier note, I’m very glad to see you back in blog land!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Amelia. I’m sorry you lost your dad. I think I am doing a combination of all of it lol I did clean up some the other day and it felt good! Too much clutter and it makes me feel stressed out.
      It’s glad to be back as well! And back more regularly. It will be great to talk with everyone more regulary

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  11. Sorry to hear of your loss Britney , take care and know whatever you do she would be proud of you. Don’t worry about the wardrobe architect it is not important , it is fun , it is flexible do what you can take as long as you need I am . It sounds strange but I am speaking from experience you won’t forget her some days memories will overwhelm but little by little it gets easier , one day at a time . Take care .

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    1. Thank you Sue. I know it is just for fun, but it would be nice to make some stuff to lift my mood! I think I’ve lost my sew-jo and I want it back! lol
      Everyone keeps saying take it one day at a time and that it gets easier so I’ll just keep chuggin along here. I haven’t cried recently so that’s a start.

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  12. Miss Brit.
    My poor girl. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. There’s nothing wrong with crying! Let the feelings happen! It’s a sign that your heart is full of love and that you truly cared about her!
    Whenever I think of loss (which I do , a lot) I tend to cry, but you’re doing the best thing by talking about your feelings and letting the world know how lucky you were to have known such an amazing woman! Share the good times. Cry. Laugh. It’s all ok! It’s still so new. Nobody expects you to be able to move on (I’m not sure if people ever do).
    Big hugs to you. xoxo

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  13. Hey Brit!

    I just heard. I’m really sorry! I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. I know it is exceptionally hard, it’s one of the bitter realities of life but we all have trouble accepting it. I just hope you get the strength to deal with it.

    Love you loads ❤ ❤

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  14. Dealing with the loss of a loved one just plan old sucks. It’s so hard to fathom that they’re gone. Hang in there, and in the meanwhile, don’t make things worse by “should”ing on yourself about the house, crafting, wardrobes, etc. Give yourself some time to grieve.
    Lots of hugs,
    Jacqueline

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  15. Such a sweet sweet post.. I would like to tell you though, highlighting one of the things you mentioned, I am sure that the things you did sew, and that didn’t turn out as you wanted them to, still made your grandma proud I’m sure ❤ Glad I found your blog, following xx

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  16. I’m glad to see you’re back!
    I’m so sorry about your Nan… I lost my Nan back in June and unfortunatley I don’t think there’s anything you can do to stop feeling the way you’re feeling. It just shows how much you loved her though! And at least you still have your Grandad – spend as much time with him as you can.
    I hope you have a bit more luck with your sewing and don’t worry about the house! Just say you’re going for the lived in look 🙂 x

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    1. Thanks Bambi. I’m sorry you lost your nan. I am going to see him lots especially because he’s alone.
      I have a project going on now and I LOVE the fabric I have to use so hopefully turns out well!!

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  17. Oh, Britney. I’m so sorry for your loss. I just lost my grandpa so I am RIGHT THERE with you. Constantly thinking about him, missing him, etc. But goodness she’s a doll! That wedding dress is perfection.
    I love the idea of Chatty Monday. A great way to get everything you’re trying to say out, keep posting, keep us updated, everything!
    I definitely feel similarly with the feeling like you’re not doing enough. I’m wholly blaming the weather at this point. I have depression and every year right as winter is actively fighting spring, claws sunk deep into the earth, I start to have this just deep sadness that makes me feel super blase. I run out of energy to do things so then thinks like cleaning fall completely to the wayside. And I feel like I’m in a constant state of not doing enough but still performing beyond the amount of energy my body is giving me. It’s a weird balance that I haven’t found the center of yet. I hope you find your balance soon.

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    1. Thank you Dannie. I’m so sorry you are going through this too. It seems like a lot of people are too or have recently.
      Her dress is amazing and I have the pattern she used! Maybe I can use it to make something.
      I’m glad Chatty Monday sounds good! I was hoping it wouldn’t be too boring for others lol
      The weather totally messed with me too. I just want to stay home in sweats and cuddle in a blanket. Summer is definitely better for me. Luckily I’m in Las Vegas so I get lots of it lol

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      1. You should definitely make a dress! Like, a tribute to your grandmother making her proud kind of dress.
        Ooh, yeah, you definitely gets plenty of summer. We’re a bit colder here in Chicago. Hopefully you get the warm weather you need soon!

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        1. It’s starting to warm up! But it keeps getting stormy which doesn’t help. It also doesn’t help that there aren’t many windows in my house so it’s mostly dark and makes me not want to do anything! Lol

          I was thinking that!! I could make a dress that is an homage to her. The only thing is the pattern is a few sizes too small so I would have to figure out a way to make it bigger. I’ll have to research it

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  18. Britney, I haven’t read what everyone else has written…so you’ve probably heard this from dozens of people…but be extra, extra kind to yourself right now. Your grief is so new and raw. Don’t worry about the messy house, etc. Blessings, Karen

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    1. Yes they have but I need to keep hearing it. Thanks Karen. I did clean up some but just the things that HAD to be done…I’m doing better now…I am just going to keep punching through lol

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  19. I’m so sorry for your loss 😦 I too have lost people close to me – my mum when I was 16, and my aunt (mum’s sister) 2 months ago, both to cancer. I know how you feel about wanting to cry all the time… let it out, that’s the only way. Cry as much as you need – it’s ok to fall behind in some things for a while. Give yourself time to realise what has happened, and to rest. All you need is time. It will be fine, I am sure of that 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your mom and aunt. I hope you are doing ok. I am doing better. I had my moment and now I have been getting everything done. What is your name? I couldn’t find it on your blog! It’s nice to meet you! Thank you for reading my blog

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  20. Hi Britney! I just randomly came across your blog and read your latest post. I’m sorry about the loss of your grandmother. I recently loss my grandma also in November, 2 weeks before my wedding. It’s hard + I totally relate. I hope for peace for you in the middle of the chaos! ❤ You're not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Jessica! Thanks for you kind words. I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. I just looked around your blog and I LOVE all your photos. You are so talented! Glad you found mine!

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