holy crap, i’ve missed you.

lesmis

You know how you think life is going to go a certain way
and then BAM….life’s really not the same anymore.

About 6 months ago, I started feeling severely depressed. Not just a random bad day here and there, like every single day, no motivation, crying for no reason, not wanting to do anything. No cleaning, not really eating, my head non-stop telling me I would never do anything worthwhile and that I’m so stupid, can’t do anything right.

After a month of this I decided that I needed to go to my doctor, because feeling like that everyday SUCKS. I wanted to get my hormones checked ust in cause, because hormone imbalances can affect mood.

A month later, with the results from my first round of blood work, my primary care doctor tells me that the only thing out of the ordinary is that I’m extremely low in progesterone, in the menopausal range. (YIKES)
My doctor recommended that I go to my OBGYN since they deal more with female hormones.

Another month later, I’m sitting at my OBGYN’s office waiting to see the hormone specialist that works there. I show him my current blood work and he confirms, yes I’m low in progesterone and he also says that my thyroid levels look off and I’m really low in vitamin D.
I get more blood work done, other tests and get a couple fancy new prescriptions and a supplement that should be making me feel “less tired, less crabby, less bloated”.

At this point i should tell you that I hadn’t really been having a period. My whole life I’ve been pretty irregular and trying different birth controls to regulate it just made me have other really bad symptoms, like daily migraines  and depression! So fun…So a year ago I stopped taking any kind of pill because it just wasn’t worth the side effects. Ever since I stopped taking the pill I haven’t had a regular period.

I come back a couple weeks later to go over the last round of blood work.

“Just as I’ve suspected, your testosterone levels are high, insulin is high, progesterone’s low, no period…this is all do to your Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.”

(I have what? what is that?)

He reassured me that everything would be fine and that my medicines (now i have another one) and cutting out artificial sugar would help regulate my insulin and hormones.

After some googling of what Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) even is
I found out that it can be a lot of different things and that there are many side affects and long term problems that can occur. So fun…So here’s what I’ve pieced together…

There are many factors that can cause PCOS but mine starts from insulin resistance. My body produces too much insulin and doesn’t use it properly.
Having too much insulin in my body makes it create more androgens (male hormones/high testosterone).
Because my body is is high in testosterone, it affects my ability to have a period.
When your body has a period, it releases the hormone progesterone.
Because I don’t create progesterone…I don’t have the proper hormones/nutrients to mature an egg. I don’t ovulate.

Which means what exactly?…

Infertility.

That’s the big one…

I can also get any and all of these symptoms as well:

  • Hirsutism – extra hair growing in extra fun/noticeable places.
  • Cysts on the ovaries (painful, i’ve heard BTW).
  • Acne, oily skin, or dandruff
  • Weight gain or obesity, usually with extra weight around the waist
  • Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair (not my hair!!)
  • Patches of skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs that are thick and dark brown or black
  • Skin tags
  • Pelvic pain
  • Sleep apnea
  • Anxiety or depression (not fun at all.)

But the biggest one, the one I cried for weeks about…

INFERTILITY.

 


I am going to write part 2 next week. I felt like I needed to end here.
I’m sorry that it sounds so depressing…but this is what I went through.
I’m not looking for people to feel bad for me, just support and uplift me.
Thank you.

 

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50 thoughts on “holy crap, i’ve missed you.

  1. This is extremely informative. I’ve been going through something similar and they found my vitamin D was low too. I’m waiting to see a rheumatologist and figure out what that has to do with the numbness in my fingers that never goes away.

    I’m truly sorry about what you’re going through. Finding out this stuff is never easy. Do you plan on doing an infertility test or is this like 100% certain now? :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not 100% for sure that I can’t have children and I don’t currently want to have any…but sometime soon I do. There are people that still have had children naturally that have PCOS and I know it’s possible. Right now I am focusing on taking my medications and being as healthy as possible so that I can feel good and make me have a higher chance of having kids!

      I’m sorry to hear you are having health issue too! 😦 I hope they do all the tests they need to to find out what’s going on!

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  2. Hang in there–MANY women with this disorder have had kids (including this RD: http://preventionrd.com/)! I was diagnosed with it (and Hypothyroidism due to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) in 1995 and have been on the pill since then. I never wanted kids, so the fertility problems weren’t an issue for me, but my OB/GYN told me he could put me on fertility drugs if I ever changed my mind. Please feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much for commenting. i know its not impossible to have children naturally, and i’m going to do everything i can to make myself feel better and healthier so that it can make it even more possible for me. thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. First of all, welcome back, lady! Second of all…I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. It must be rough but it seems like you’re approaching the situation head-on, so I must congratulate you ❤ Good luck pushing through this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I feel like I’ve been blogging so irregularly that I keep coming back saying I miss you haha
      Thank you so much, yes I am trying to be proactive and focus my energy on feeling healthy and hormonally balanced lol

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling and that this is the reason you haven’t been blogging. You’re incredibly brave to share a post like this and I hope you know we’re all here to help and support you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hugs and best wishes to you–I am so sorry that you are dealing with PCOS. A very dear friend of mine was diagnosed with this as well; like you, she was very young and it came as quite a shock to her. (I know you have received many comments about this already, but for what it’s worth: my friend gave birth to a healthy baby a handful of years after her diagnosis, and it was a “surprise” pregnancy to boot!)

    I am glad that you have a doctor who is working to help you manage your PCOS and hope that you are starting to feel better in all respects. (Clinical depression sufferer here, so I really sympathize with those awful feelings–hang in there.) Thank you for sharing your experience: we’re here for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hugs! Thanks so much for your comment.
      I know it’s not impossible to get pregnant naturally, it’s a matter of getting my hormones in balance…so right now I’m focusing on being a healthy as possible…ban steps at a times though so I don’t get too overwhelmed! Lol
      Luckily I haven’t been feeling very depressed lately so I do think the medicine is working!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your comment. Yes I’m just glad to finally know what’s going on. I will have to deal with these issue my whole life but as far as I can tell, if I become super healthy and get my hormones in balance, I can continue my healthy lifestyle and not have to deal with the symptoms!! So that’s what I’m focusing on right now!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment Karen! I’m so glad I’m back too!! I have missed this so much. I was working two jobs though so I had to cut out practically everything extra. The meds have helped me not feel as depressed so to me that sounds like they are working, not sure how it’s affecting my insides but I am going to go back and get more bloodwork done to see if my medicines need changing!

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  6. Hi Britney! I hope you’re okay. I actually have this myself so I can really relate to what you have said here. I have hair growth on my face and I also have to battle weight gain, depression and pelvic pain. It took a long time for me to figure all of it out but when doctors started putting together a picture, I was actually relieved. I haven’t really allowed myself to think about the infertility aspect just yet.
    Anyway, I will be thinking of you and trust me, you are a strong lady and you aren’t defined by this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m doing a lot better. Not feeling as depressed and I quit one of my two jobs so this week has been great for resting and getting my house and head in order.
      I am so lucky, I think the caught it super early. My symptoms are not very bad. To only place I have the extra hair is my stomach and I don’t have acne or pelvic pain. I think my body just recently change in the last year or so and that’s why I had that crazy bout of depression.

      I have however gained so much wait over that last few years so that kinda sucks.
      I don’t really want to have kids right this second, so I’m just focusing on getting as healthy as possible so control my insulin and then hopefully my hormones will regulate easier!
      I’m trying not to think to much about the infertility thing because I know there are plenty of people that have pcos and have also had a healthy natural pregnancy!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s good to hear Britney. It can be unpleasant at times, but it really is manageable. My sister’s best friend has it too and has two children so infertility isn’t an issue for many people. The weight gain is a pain but I guess it’s made me be more mindful of what I eat and hopefully I’ve become that littler bit healthier. I’m not sure about you, but the sluggishness kills me! Anyway, thanks for sharing this with us.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh my gosh yes the sluggishness is the worst. And feeling bloated and tired all the time! Ugh. Thanks for taking with me 🙂
          I’m glad my post wasn’t super depressing lol

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  7. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through, but I am happy you took the steps to figure out what was wrong. This is just the beginning and who knows what turn of events can happen. I’m not sure if fertility drugs help in this situation, but I would hope you have some options down the line.

    I’ve missed you on this space and although I’m happy to see you’re back, I’m sorry that you’ve been going through so much! I’ve had the whole depression thing and the cysts (yes, they are painful and a PITA)… surrounding yourself with supporters and people who care really help. Thank you for opening up and I hope we can help you feel a little better. I’ll be thinking about you and hope this takes a turn for the better. ❤ ❤ Stay strong, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rachel!
      It’s been kinda crazy and overwhelming but I’m choosing to focus on getting as healthy as I can. I’ve read that if you can eat super healthy it’ll help with the blood sugar and loosing a little weight can help me body regulate hormones much better.
      There are fertility drugs I can take but I don’t want a kid RIGHT NOW. I’m still good for waiting a little longer and figuring all this our.
      I’m so lucky because I don’t think I’m very far along with pcos. I don’t have a lot of symptoms and I don’t have painful ovaries! I’m so glad about that!
      I am so glad that I’m back too! I really missed being here. I actually just quit one of my jobs because of all that’s going on and now I have lots more time lol

      Also!!! I FINALLY finished my moneta!! I made out of super soft bamboo knit and omg it’s amazing. I probably coils have gone up one size but next time haha for for a less stretchy fabric I will lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so proud that you’re staying positive and taking the steps to learn more about PCOS and tweaking your lifestyle to get better. And yes, you still have time with the babies and stuff, LOL! Everything will work out in the end! ❤ ❤

        MONETA!! You have to post it!! I made my 7th one the other week. I need to bust out another to do another two-fer post (and to finish my rhyme…). The Moneta is a life-changer LOL. But yes, pics pics pics please!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s easier said than done…I have to figure out this whole cooking thing!!! Haha I could be on worst cooks in America lol ok maybe not THAT bad but it’s going to be a challenge.
          My moneta is just a plan black one! So it’s really not THAT interesting lol but sure I’ll post about it lol I’m black she’s very fancy I feel!!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Ugh cooking is the worst! But my mom had some Weight Watchers recipe book when she decided to get healthier and those recipes are awesome! She’s not a top-rated chef or anything, so you can totally pull it off! (Psst, don’t tell her I said that!)

            An all-black Moneta sounds awesome! I reach for my solid-colored “denim-looking” one a lot because it goes with everything and is great for layering with cardigans and cropped sweaters. I have a green-ish denim-looking knit in my stash… maybe that’ll be my next Moneta!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I just need to make my moneta neckline not as wide! Lol it like falls off my shoulders or it feels like that haha.
              I’ll have to find that cookbook and see how they are 🙂
              OOOO a denim looking moneta would be awesome!

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  8. Welcome back, Britney; missed you as well. But holy moly, that’s a lot you’ve been dealing with. Glad to hear you’re getting help and support and that it sounds like things are looking up. Sending a boatload of sympathies your way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! I’m so glad to be back! Yes it’s been kinda crazy but I’m choosing to focus on getting as healthy as possible right now because that’ll help me feel well and then it might make it easier to have a baby eventually!

      Like

  9. Good for you that you listened to your instincts and sought medical help! It is easier for many to just ignore things than to hear truths. Hang in there! All will be okay. Sending positive vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks darlin! Yes I am glad that I listened and also that I didn’t just take antidepressants and not did the bloodwork. Pcos wouldn’t have been discovered for even longer, if not at all!
      Thank you so much for sending the vibes I need ’em!

      Like

  10. Welcome back! I was hoping your break was due to something fun, but so glad you felt well enough to share. Hang in there, take care of yourself and don’t hide away, so many people out there who can relate and encourage you! Good vibes from me too!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh you. I don’t even know you properly (have never met you in person) but your light shines so bright. Don’t let this dim you. You’re bigger – and better – than this. (Sorry it’s taken me so long to head over; I saw the notification about your post in my email but have literally only just had a moment to pop over)…..hoping you’re feeling much better (less depression symptoms etc)……am always, always, here if you need a shoulder…….just email me…..Helen xxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Helen. It’s crazy that even though we haven’t met in real life, how supportive you are and so kind and uplifting. I don’t have many friend in my life that are so good like you 💜
      I have ups and downs a lot. The last couple weeks have seen good moments but overall was kinda crappy. I have been thinking that I need to focus more on sewing and blogging and the things that make me happy. That’s the plan!

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      1. Right back at you, girl (and sorry it’s taken so long to reply….I’ve been very busy and also a little depressed….making everything more difficult than usual…). Hoping you’re OK…Helen xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

              1. Oh you…am just seeing this now as my son/I were ill for a couple of weeks, meaning I wasn’t online…..hoping you’re feeling better….always always feel free to drop me an email if you need to ‘talk’….when I repair my phone, I have WhatsApp too if you’d ever like to chat via there….Helen xxx

                Liked by 1 person

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